Growing up, I never thought I’d turn into a coffee drinker. I just couldn’t stomach the stuff unless I added some kind of artificial creamer and loads of sugar. Once I grew a bit older, however, coffee quickly became one of my favorite things. At first I drank a cup a day, then I progressed to two, and now I’m hovering somewhere around three and a half.
But enough about me! You’ve come to this article hoping to find a chuckle-inducing list about all of the hardships and joys associated with being a coffee lover. What is it really like to be one of us? Read on.
1. You know all of the good half and half brands.
There’s nothing quite like mixing a good brew with a bad brand of half and half. If you’ve ever had to send someone else to the market to pick up your favorite dairy creamer, you always specify to them exactly the kind you want. We’ve all had to use that store brand stuff before…never again! I know some people think that real coffee lovers don’t put any dairy in their java, but I say to each their own. A good cup of black coffee and a good cup of black coffee mixed with half and half can both be excellent, with each having their own individual strengths!
2. You always have some extra ibuprofen on hand in case of an emergency.
The “emergency” of course being whenever you’ve gone without coffee for more than ~8 hours. When that happens, you get what are known as “coffee headaches,” which can be nasty, and once you get one it’s hard to shake it off for the rest of the day, even when you finally consume a much-needed cup.
3. You spend way too much time in your grocery store’s coffee bean aisle.
“Hmm,” you ask to yourself, “do I get the French roast, or the Italian roast? Or maybe the medium-light breakfast roast? Guess I’ll just take the one with the least amount of beans left in the container, that must mean it’s popular!” Don’t lie, we’ve all been there. The benefit to all of this coffee bean over-analysis is that we end up becoming familiar with all of the best roasts available at our local grocer. This is important, as most coffee lovers end up having a favorite, with some favoring lighter roasts while others like those of the darker variety.
4. You are always suspicious when offered coffee at a friend or family member’s house.
Let’s face it, most people don’t love coffee; they drink it to stay awake during the day. So, while they might be perfectly fine with watered down or stale coffee, you are not (unless you have one of those dreaded coffee headaches, in which case desperate times call for desperate measures). It’s not that coffee lovers are overly pretentious, it’s just that we are used to customizing the flavor/strength/temperature of coffee in our cup!
5. You are practically immune to the effects of caffeine.
Coffee lovers drink coffee in large part because we love the taste of an excellently-brewed cup. The caffeine is just an added boost! The problem is that we’re so addicted that caffeine does nothing for us, unless we really go crazy (I myself don’t feel anything too out of the ordinary unless I order a latte with more than three shots of espresso). As a result, you’ll find that coffee lovers can enjoy their favorite drink at practically any time of the day. While it is incredibly likely that you’ll find them sipping from their chosen mug in the morning, don’t be surprised in the least if you see them at it again right before bed.
6. You have a favorite mug.
Big or small, tall or wide, heavy or light, we all have that one mug that we use over and over again, usually until it’s so worn that its design is faded, or until we accidentally break it (been there, done that). If you’re a true coffee aficionado, then you have two mugs, one for when you want a small amount of coffee, and one for when you need a bigger boost. Whenever I know I have a lot of work to do, or a big day ahead of me, I opt for my giant sized mug. Not only is the design cool, but it fits nearly three times as much coffee!
7. You have a bathroom schedule that revolves around coffee.
To put it nicely, coffee has a way of “speeding things up” in your body’s internal systems. So, often times, coffee lovers or even coffee drinkers in general will have their daily trips to the bathroom planned around whenever they’ll be drinking their java. You know, if there was one thing I’d change about coffee, it would be the fact that it makes you have to pee so often. I’m sure even the most ardent coffee fans will agree with me on that one!
8. You are a maestro with the coffee grinder and french press.
Some are experts at chopping vegetables, others are masters at cooking scrambled eggs. You, my friend, know how to work the coffee grinder just right, so much so that you are able to grind your beans down to the perfect consistency every single time. One of the trademarks of coffee lovers is that they grind their own whole bean coffee, and brew it using a french press.
To get a good cup of coffee using that method takes a bit of trial and error, because so much is dependent on the smaller details. Indeed, a good grind can make the difference between a mediocre cup and one that blows your socks off the moment the velvety black liquid within your mug touches your tongue. If you are ever in need of a brilliant cup of coffee, turn to your resident coffee lover for help. I guarantee that they’ll be able to make you something that’s out of this world!
Being a coffee lover certainly has its highs and lows. There is nothing quite like picking out your favorite beans at the grocery store, grinding them, and brewing them up to craft the perfect cup of coffee. Sure, there are downsides, like the immunity to caffeine (sometimes you really do want it to wake you up) and the notorious coffee headache. But of course, if it wasn’t worth it, we wouldn’t go through all that trouble to be what we are! Anyone up for a cup?
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